Always
by ShadowAlchemistSu
Summary: She seems so happy, despite being half demon, and being chased and beaten by a sadistic father that is, unfortunately, her own.


You walked into the room and sighed. "It seems like forever since I've been here…almost eleven years." You smiled softly, blinking as you spotted a small, purple book, peeking out from under your mother's pillow. Taking it, you looked it over carefully. "A diary…?" You knew that it wouldn't exactly be right to look through someone else's diary, but it was your mother's, after all. She had died many years ago, when you were only six years old. Maybe reading this would help you understand…you shook your head. Brushing aside your anxiety, you opened the book, allowing your golden eyes to take in the delicate text.

April fifth, 1948

It was my eighteenth birthday only three weeks ago. My, how time flies. Riiku gave me this diary, saying that I needed to find a way to express myself, and to satisfy my creative spirit. It feels a little strange, but I think I'll get used to it. Hana said that it was about time I found a new boyfriend, and today- low and behold –I was blessed with her luck. I met a man- only a year older, mind you. His name was Koki. Koki Kugyo. He's a little distant, but it seems as if he becomes almost arrogant once he's comfortable with you. I don't understand just what it is, but somehow I'm drawn to him. But I'll write more about that later. It's been a year since mother died. Almost two years since father died. For any person who may some day be reading this, father was a military officer for investigations. He was killed in action, only a few steps away from becoming the Fuhrer, his dream in life. Almost one year later, my mother fell ill, and passed on. That day, I had asked myself only one question, in all my existence. Did she ever really love me? When I confronted her with this, she replied, "Didn't I show you every way I could…?" Those were her last words. And after that, no matter how hard I tried, I could never recall a time when I had told her that I loved her.

March thirteenth, 1948

I know I haven't written in a while, but to tell you the truth, I have been spending almost all of my spare time trying to get to know Koki. He's actually a very interesting man. He's a university student, just like me, but he didn't even realize just who I was when I told him. Most people turn when they hear my name. Some look at me with malice. Others, admiration. When I explained this to him, he seemed to readily accept the fact that I had not become Fuhrer just so that I could gain recognition. In fact, he later on joined the military to support me, despite my objections. It was nice to have someone there to catch me, if I had ever happened to fall. Koki has an unusual sort of kindness. He tends to be very discreet, almost shy. And for every time I've ever thanked him, he would either smile or brush it off, saying I had nothing to thank him for. He's also very protective of me. I have a feeling that it has something to do with his father. From what I've learned, Koki's father was severely abusive, forcing his mother to suicide. And after witnessing this, he had released his anger by killing Koki's younger sister, Ruri, as well. I've also learned that Koki has an older brother, Aki. I met him a couple of weeks ago, and he's really very nice. He's more open than his brother, though, for reasons I can't describe. There are still a lot of things I don't know about them, but from what I've seen, I have all the time in the world.

August twelfth, 1948

Wow, it's been months since I've written! Well, anyway, I have good news! Koki proposed to me yesterday! Yes, we had been going out for all these months, and it's finally happened. I can say, I was a little nervous. I was unsure when he asked me, but I think I'm ready now. I really can't wait. Koki seems to have changed a little, but I'm just thinking that he's anxious. I mean, this is a pretty big change for us. But we'll get through it. We always do.

September fourth, 1948

Koki and I have been married for four weeks now. I was feeling sick the other day, so I went to the doctor, and he told me that I was almost two months pregnant! That was a surprise, although not an unpleasant one. Anyway, I've resigned as Fuhrer. I can't be a soldier in this condition. I won't risk it. All I want now is for my baby to be healthy. That's all I really need. As far as the actual pregnancy…I think I'll tell Koki tomorrow. I'm sure he'll be just as excited as I am.

September fifth, 1948

I told Koki about the baby, and he looked like he tried to be happy, but…his eyes…they were so violent, so angry, so full of hate…and with what he did to me afterwards, he…he could have killed it…I'm afraid of him now…ever since he came back from his trip, he's been this way…it's as if he's become a completely different person…and I fear..my Koki is gone…no…maybe my Koki never existed…Had he only pretended to love me..? Maybe something happened while he was away? How many women has he done this to? Any at all? All I know is, I can't take the abuse. I've gone back to my home in Hokkaido, only to find that there is nobody waiting for me.

April seventeenth, 1949

I've been running from Koki for a long time now. It's been harder ever since I gave birth to Sumiko. Protecting someone is never easy, but it's been worth it. Sumiko is my strength. If it wasn't for this baby, I may have given up hope. She seems so happy, despite being half demon, and being chased and beaten by a sadistic father that is, unfortunately, her own. She's already excelling in alchemy, to my surprise. Sometimes I go into her room late at night, and she's studying. I have to be in there to make sure that she's asleep. I love her more than life itself, and I tell her every day. I'm worried, though…the things that Koki does to her, the things he makes her see…he's tortured both of us, and I only hope that I will be around long enough to save her. She's been so strong…to be honest, I was scared. I didn't think I knew how to be a mother, and I was so afraid that all I'd do was hurt her…but she seems to be doing just fine.

February twenty third, 1955

I'm scared to say, this will be the last time I write. He's going to kill me this time. He's holding a gun to my head, and he's only hesitating because he wants her to see. He says she has to see…she can't see…I'm surprised that he's letting me write this, and I know I don't have much time, so I'll make this brief. If you're reading this, Sumi, I want you to know that I love you, and I'm sorry. I wish I could stay with you, Su. You're all I ever wanted, and you have to know…this isn't your fault. Remember that. As soon as I'm gone, get help. Don't go near him. Don't make the same mistakes I did. With any man. Grow up, find someone who loves you, and be happy. That is my only wish for you. I see you running, and you're crying now. I can't believe the things he's saying to you. Forget those words, Sumi-chan, don't listen to them. I shouldn't have to leave you so soon. But seeing you here…it makes me so happy……and…now I know why I survived. My first and only purpose in life was to give the world this angel…"

You looked down, trembling, your fragile tears now staining the page. She did love you…she always had…Your mother had once told you that you'd be together forever, and though that was once thought a lie, you had come to realize it was the only thing in life that would always remain true. Always.

okay...since my fics are usually sumi-centric, i felt kind of self absorbed...(why?) and this one is similar, cuz i know my character best...but its basically the diary of sumi's mother...im going to try doing something based on someone else, if i think i can really go into depth on their personalities...and if i have an idea also, when i was writing this...every three sentences, i got an interruption . I HATE MY HOUSE!


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